Surviving and Thriving
- janeazuka
- Sep 15, 2020
- 7 min read
The first PWI (Predominantly White Institution) I attended was a magnet arts high school in San Francisco, School of the Arts (SOTA). The nature of the school and the city made me feel like I was still with my people; the multicultural landscape of my childhood permeated the predominantly white classrooms I occupied at SOTA. I was more aware of other identities when I was in class or navigating the space:Student Body President, a theatre student, part of my friend group, my mother's daughter and more aware of my curly hair than my honey colored skin. I was Black, but I was mixed, living comfortably in that intersection.
I never really felt BLACK until I went to Skidmore. I had known white girls all my life, my mom is a white girl. But this was different. These white girls made sure that I knew that I was different- other. Professors let me know I was other. People in town made sure I knew I was other. The white male professor of my “African American Political Thought” took points off my paper because I capitalized Black. He once told me, “I bet if people made fun of you in school, it was for being smart.” He was trying to make a point that intelligence is not celebrated in the Black community.
We are told that economic mobility is made possible when you attain higher education (something I have found true for myself), but for students of color that can mean compromising your mental health. Imposter sydrome, discrimination and mistreatment are as fundemental to PWI’s (Predominately White Institutions) as dorm rooms, all nighters and club activities. We have to compromise our wellbeing, identities and culture in order to achieve an education.
I feel drawn to share the stories of my friends and peers who also attended PWI’s because I know that so much of my personal and professional success is thanks to them
(both my friends and PWI’s). I asked friends to share with me a little bit of their experiences, trying to get at how they “survived and learned to thrive” at PWI’s. I pulled anecdotes from their stories and experiences that I felt exemplified core themes that ran across narratives. As I entered the predominantly white work force, reading and listening to these stories empowered me in a way I did not know I needed. In reading them I felt reflected, and reflective, I laughed, cried and got nostalgic. Most of all, these stories have helped me step into my power in a new way at work, and have encouraged me to speak my truth in my new setting.
Moments of Challenge
Sometimes, during my higher education I would walk out of a situation thinking that I was crazy for feeling upset, or that an offhand comment wasn't “really that bad”. When I started talking with my friends about what would take place in the classroom, I learned that I wasn't alone. Below you will find experiences of students of color in Predominantly White Institutions that created hostile or challenging environments.
“In Spanish class, my professor said, ‘Okay class write in a few sentences in Spanish about who mows the lawn at your home’ I looked up bewildered and raised my hand and in absolute mortification I said ‘I don't have a lawn’ I could feel the whole class tense up and my professor subsequently asked ‘where do you live’ as if living in a place without a lawn was ludicrous and I replied ‘I live in an apartment in the South Bronx’”
“I had to sit through a class where my identity as a Chinese person was questioned and denied while also wading through imposter syndrome at a 4-year university.” - Anonymous
“It is truly daunting when people totally disregard intersectionality. You can’t separate one part of my identity and expect me to speak on the behalf of that entire community.” -Robert
“It's like, I'm the only Black person in class, and everybody is looking at me for the answers” -Zaria
“My Spanish professor and classmates looked at me with such curiosity… I looked at my arm and then the arms of everyone in my class and that is when I noticed my Blackness for the first time in my life.” -Ivy
“There is a serious sense of entitlement in white dominant culture. It pains me that many minority cultures did not have the privilege of learning this skill. It is not something that I thought of as a “skill” at first. However, it must truly be liberating to walk around and feel as if you are owed something.” -Robert
“Sometimes, survival is all that we know.” -Robert
Challenging Dynamics and Systems
We are not, and cannot be complicit in our oppression. We challenge, resist and fight, learning which spaces we must take up, which spaces where our silence is required for protection or well being. As students of color in predominantly white institutions we are naturally challenging systems of power. Below you will find examples of moments students found to challenge systems.
"Remember that your existence is resistance. There are so many times I think back to my classes and wish I spoke out against my instructors or peers. I understand now that I don’t need to punish myself for being."
"I didn’t learn how to thrive until I found solace in being alone, learning to balance myself, and standing on my morals."
"Have the audacity to own the space. You don’t owe anybody shit." -Anonymous
"Thriving came when I learned how to be confident in myself and my attributes no matter who surrounded me."
- Robert
"I have also challenged professors who deemed it appropriate to ridicule me in front of the class as a teaching tool. I scheduled a mediation session between a dean, myself, and the educator."
Community
One of the main ways I learned to thrive at both Skidmore and Columbia was finding community. When there aren't that many people who look like you on campus, being with people who do look like you can provide a moment to relax. It was very challenging for me to find community on campus. In freshman year, random white people would walk up to me and start talking about a class and finish the conversation with “see you later, Morgan”. It was not till months later that I realized that they had been confusing me with another light skinned girl with natural hair (who later became my best friend). I share this story to highlight that finding community can be hard, even when it's right in front of your face. Once you find it, hold on as tight as you can. A lot of my friends mentioned the importance of community in being able to thrive at a PWI.
"Group chats literally are lifelines."
“In everything that you do remember, there will be others to follow. It is an act of both self- love and love for others to look out for the younger generation.”
“There was this thing at my school called the “Black People table”, where all the black kids hung out because we had to stick together so it was like if you didn't have anywhere else to go or you couldn't find your friends or you were like kind of shy about making new friends, you could always go to the Black people table and someone will be there, someone will be friendly, and the more you go, the more people you get to know.”
“The black students at my school helped me navigate the systems. Most times the people who helped me were the people who look like me.”
Getting to a Place of Thriving
I asked my friends for words of advice for students entering PWI’s now, or trying to navigate. Part of me asked selfishly as I begin to navigate the white professional world. In many ways PWI’s mimic greater white dominated systems, and thusay the skills gained in the halls of our colleges and universities will allow us to navigate and hopefully thrive in many other situations.
"If the professor is the one grading everything or that’s the office hour slot that works for your schedule, GO. Every time, even if you don’t have any questions."
"I always looked at reviews on professors and tried to find at least one class taught by a professor of color that I could join. Whether it was an elective or a core class."
"I made sure majority of my professors were a person of color and then from there if the remaining classes had no professors of color as options I read heavily into their background and what they do/stand for."
"Take care of yourself. For me, this meant going to the gym, sleeping early, and eating right. Even if it meant skipping class or not doing an assignment. Your health is your wealth. Don’t let anybody take that away from you, especially your professors."
"SELF-PRESERVE, find a therapist or community that can somehow relate to your specific tribulations. Karen from upstate New York is not going to understand filial piety or immigrant daughter guilt. I do not recommend dumping your problems on your other BIPOC friends "
"To combat imposter syndrome, I went to tutoring centers and office hours not to prove to my professors that I was working hard but to remind myself that I had had the same ability as my peers who went to fancy boarding schools and college preparatory high schools."
“Take advantage of the staff members who look like you. Some might not be your friend, because you know, adult staff they have their own stuff to deal with. But the ones you do you connect with and click with, keep those relationships strong because they might be the only ones you have to turn to."
"For that black person with imposter syndrome…you belong there, they need you."
A huge thank you to my amazing friends for being willing to share their stories with me. You can find their full narratives below.
Comentários